I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
