Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As shirtless as possible
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
