Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
