the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
