you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
