Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
