the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
