Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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