Yo dont text me then not text me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
