so that wasnt chicken after all
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
