I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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