he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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