I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
