I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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