You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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