Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
