shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
