I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
