I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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