In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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