You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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