I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
