Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
