Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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