What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
