Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
