I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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