why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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