Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's rum buckets o'clock
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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