The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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