Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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