now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
