okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
