the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
