I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
