i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
