Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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