I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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