I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
operation have a gay friend backfired
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
