she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sext me about skeletons
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
