I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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