sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
