i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
