there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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