How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
