New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize