My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
