:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
