found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
