Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
