I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
