1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
