I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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