I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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