dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
