So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
