Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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