I wish life had little blips of pornography
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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