At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
