I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
