Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
