Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
