I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
