I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
