I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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