how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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